Friends

Through my personal tragedy, I have been given an opportunity to appreciate my friends.

Some friends do not know what to do with my loss and agony, and so they leave me alone. They might feel awkward to be with me when I am no longer the same old person they used to know. My tears, an unfamiliar sign, come easily and uncontrollably. They think their presence brings me pain. So, they wait patiently for me to regain my old self which, of course, will be impossible. As time wears on, I am used to being left alone and feeling detached. But never in a moment I resent my friends' treatment. After all, my tears are alien to them. I truly understand that it would be unfair to pour my sadness to friends who already have their own predicaments. My personal hardship is mine and it will stay with me until I die. Time can never heal my wound but tears can alleviate my pain.

Some other friends do not know what to do with my loss and agony, and yet they are there for me. They do not wait for my asking for help. They come to my house to see me cry, and they telephone me to hear me cry. My tears do not distance us. In fact, their presence and silence ease my pain and warm my heart. Sometimes I talk a lot and other times I just cry. They let me be my new self. There are times I can even joke and laugh. My friends make me realize that it is important to put my sadness on hold for a short while. Life spins on.

I respect all of my friends and I also respect their ways of showing their concerns. As life, most of the time, is hectic and problematic, I have no right to interrupt their precious serenity. To calm my disturbed mind and lessen my ceaseless affliction, in addition to crying, I spend much time reading and writing. Nevertheless, I am still thankful to be loved by my friends.

I would like to share the following poem with all of my friends.


Please See Me Through My Tears

You asked, "How are you doing?"
As I told you, tears came to my eyes...and you looked away and quickly began to talk again.
All the attention you had given me had drained away.

"How am I doing?" I do better when people listen, though I may shed a tear or two.
This pain is indescribable.
If you've never known it, you cannot fully understand.
Yet I need you.
When you look away, I am again alone with it.
Your attention means more than you can ever know.
Really, tears are not a bad sign, you know!
They're nature's way of helping me to heal.
They relieve some of the stress of sadness ....but you are wrong.

The memory of my loved one's death will always be with me,
Only a thought away.
My tears make my pain more visible to you, but you did not give me the pain...it was already there.
When I cry, could it be that you feel helpless,
Not knowing what to do?
You are not helpless, And you don't need to do a thing but be there.
When I feel your permission to allow my tears to flow, you've helped me
You need not speak.
Your silence as I cry is all I need.
Be patient...do not fear.

Listening with your heart to "how I am doing" relieves the pain for when the tears can freely come and go, I feel lighter.
Talking to you releases what I've wanted to say aloud, clearing space for a touch of joy in my life.
I'll cry for a minute or two... and then I'll wipe my eyes and sometimes you'll even find I'm laughing later.
When I hold back the tears, my throat grows tight, my chest aches, my stomach knots... because I'm trying to protect YOU from my tears.
Then we both hurt ME, because my pain is held inside, a shield against our closeness and YOU, because suddenly we are distant.

So please, take my hand and see me through my tears... then we can be close again.

Author Unknown