Why do I write?

Writing gives me comfort and peace.

There are times, without a warning, breathing is hard and my mind is in a deep pit. Inside the darkness, my hands grasp the emptiness and coldness. The errie silence hums. My eyes are wide open but nothing can be seen. I lose hope in life.

To pull myself out of the pit, I take a deep breath and sit down at my desk.

I either pick up a pen to write or turn on the computer to type. When words start to come into my head and out come alive from my hand and fingers, my deep breaths slowly return to normal. The surroundings are less scary. I hope, at least for a while, my agony can be put on hold.

To some people it is easy for them to say, " You have to let go. Whatever you do you can't bring him back." But they would never understand the pain will never go away. I have to find ways to survive the agony and suffering. Writing is the best means for me to escape and to forget the pain for a while.

In my stories, my invented characters take over my life. I give them my problems and worries and use their personality and ability to solve them. Most of the time, the problems and worries would suddenly take different forms because of the characters' life style and background. We have different views in life.

My characters have their own styles and it doesn't mean they are right about their ways of solving problems. It is clear that we all have our own ways to handle problems in life.

I am not sure who is really in control. My mind or my characters?